Kaitrin's 2nd Birthday

I wanted to thank everyone that called or emailed me yesterday to check on me. I have been pretty worried about Kaitrin's 2nd birthday...sadness and bad memories. I have been remembering that horrible drug that made every inch of me hot and my eyes cross. I recall the way Dr Morales (the doc of all that is wonderful and in Dayton Ohio if anyone is looking for a fabulous gyn) asked me, "Are you crying because you are in pain or because you are scared?" Which inadvertently sent my brain back to soccer camp where our coach would yell, "Are you a player or a quitter? There's just two, now CHOOSE!" I tried so hard to dig deep and fight off the pain, but in the end, the contractions won...despite every shot in the ass I could take. After she was born I faintly remember the NNP coming to my room in the middle of the night with my nurse. The fear from down deep that told me that they were there with the most horrible of news...only to tell me that Kaitrin had to go back on the vent. I think they had to tell me twice because the first time I only heard a bunch of blah blah blah. The endless times that we attended rounds (with no different news, we would just hound the docs), the weight sheet that we seemed to be glued to, the mass amount of breastmilk stored in the freezer, and that hideous alarm from the monitors.

Now putting all of these memories aside ( because they will never fully disappear) I have a new memory from today. I woke Kaitrin up on her 2nd birthday and dressed her in a pretty pink birthday outfit. I put her long hair into ponytails and packed her into the car. Off to school we go. At the entrance to her classroom, she kissed me goodbye and ran over to her friends to play. Really? How can I be sad? I just saw my little girl run over to play with her friends. Two years ago I would have never guessed it. I would have never been able to see past the isolette, the tubes, the vent, or even the fact that Kaitrins was no bigger than a beanie baby. But today, today is a new day. Today Kaitrin can use sign language, walk on her own, feed herself, splash in the pool...pretty much do whatever she wants to do. And an even better end to her birthday? Kaitrin is moving up to the early preschool room because she has "COMPLETED THE TODDLER PROGRAM". How proud to see that on her daily report! No tears today...just pride in my little pumpkin butt!