The IV Incident

I blame it on the fact that Kaitrin's birthday is coming up...the weird memories. Every once in a while I will drift into a day dream or pull a memory from deep in my brain. And every once in a while it is a weird memory from our NICU experience. In the last week or so, this one continues to come and haunt me. My mom, Jacob and I went to see Kaitrin in the hospital...well, mom took Jacob to Wendy's while I went in to see Kaitrin. As I was leaving, she pulled her IV out. Kaitrin was always very against her tubing, whether it was her vent, her IV, or her feeding tube...she felt that she could do without them. The nurse, busy or not thinking, asked me to calm her as she inserted another IV. Sure, I'm the mom. Sure, I would do that for Jacob (heck, I'd calm Mike if I needed to). Have you ever seen a baby, with no breathing function and no voice cry? Well it is heart breaking. Her arms are stretched out, her back is arched, and her mouth is open to scream and cry with no sound coming out. The nurse finally gets it on the third try. The worst part? There was a wall of plastic between my child and me. I couldn't even calm her with a hug or a cuddle.